Trial by Music

In my later years of high school I began to take an interest in honor bands. An honor band is basically a prestigious wind ensemble comprised of high school students from all over the state or region. Being a participant of such an event signified that you were among the best student musicians in the area. Although I already held a good standing in my high school’s band, participating in the honor bands would give me an opportunity to actually play with more serious musicians

I did not get off on a good start though; I constantly practiced for upcoming auditions, but I was never able to make the ensembles. It did not help that my main instrument was alto saxophone. It would be worth noting that auditioning for a place in any ensemble as an alto sax was very competitive. It was the section that usually the largest amount of people try out for, and is usually the smallest section in the band. Also, I became extremely nervous whenever I went in for my audition. I would be so worried that I would mess up something that I really did mess up, and there were many times that right before I auditioned I would over practice, which caused fatigue. Still, the smaller county and regional bands did not compare to the one that changed everything.

In the fall semester of my junior year I decided to audition for the Mississippi Lions All-State Band, the highest band in the state. It consisted of two auditions: a preliminary round that everyone tried out for and a final round for those who were good enough to receive callbacks. They had audition music prepared for according to section of instrumentation to be practiced which was very difficult. The auditions were held at Pearl High School near Jackson, MS. It was about a three hour drive from my town to Pearl, and the auditions started early in the morning so I would have to arrive the day before and stay overnight. I decided to travel with my friend, a clarinetist who was the only other person from my school auditioning, and his mom to the audition. It was a decision that I would soon regret.

We left early in the afternoon and arrived there that evening and stayed in a fairly cheap hotel near the school. The next morning we got up, ate a small breakfast, and headed to the school. We arrived a little late, which annoyed me because by the time I signed up for a time the only times were later in the day. The warm-up rooms were specific to each section. As I passed the flute and clarinet rooms I could hear the soft, pretty melodies being practiced, but when I approached the room for the saxophones it sounded like war that was being fought with sound. I went to a corner of the room and practiced my repertoire for about an hour. My audition was still several hours away so I either walked around or listened to the other players in my room. The other players were always challenging each other; they would have their own competitions to see who could play their scales the fastest, or who had the best intonation, and so on. To someone who was not used to all the playing they would probably get a headache. The entire event seemed as if it was designed to be as intimidating as it could be, hearing all these good players and the air in the whole place was thick with tension. Needless to say, this did not calm my nerves one bit, but none of it was as intimidating as the audition itself.

When it was finally time for me to go I walked up the stairs and made my way to the audition room. As I walked became extremely nervous and my heart was pounding in my chest. I handed the assistant by the door my audition card and he showed me in. There were five judges in the room (which was very intimidating since most other auditions had only one or two) who analyzed me head to toe. The judge in the center instructed me to play my major scales, prepared pieces, and then gave me a piece to sight read. The audition did not go very well, my scale and pieces were pretty mediocre, but the sight-reading was terrible. “Thank you” was all the judge in the center said then I left the room. As I walked back to put my instrument up I reflected on how bad my audition went, but hoped it would be enough to at least make callbacks. It would be a few hours before the results would be posted.

When the results were finally posted I ran and fought through the crowd to see how I did. I made it to the front and scanned the placement sheet from the bottom up. I didn’t get far. Out of the fifty plus altos that auditioned I was thirty-six, and only the top twelve made callbacks. I just stared at my name, not believing that I did so poorly. As I walked away my friend who I came with ran up to me. He made callbacks, six out of about fifty (the top thirty-six make callbacks). This news only made me feel worse about myself, that he made it and I didn’t. The ride home was miserable; my friend and his mom were celebrating his accomplishment while I just sat there feeling like I was the ultimate failure. When I got home I  I was determined to return as a much better musician.

A couple weeks later I looked up the audition music for next year’s audition and practiced rigorously every day. I remember practicing my scales over and over, trying to make them as perfect as possible, and countless hours working on the prepared pieces. My friend was also going back to audition, but this time I decided to go there alone so that would not be distracted and to avoid the same horrible ride home the previous year. On the morning of the audition I practiced in the parking lot behind the hotel by myself, just me and my music, instead of being in the middle of that chaotic warm-up room. I walked to the audition room once again with the same nervousness I always felt. Before I went in stopped and prayed a quick prayer asking God to keep my mind at peace. The audition, while I still made a few errors, was a lot better than the first time around. Instead of waiting in the school all day for the results I went out to eat and see the town to take my mind off of it. When I went back the results were already posted. I placed in at eleven. I could barely contain my excitement, all my hard work had paid off.

I went back the next weekend for the final audition and placed seventh, but only the top six made the band. While I was a little frustrated that I didn’t make the final cut, I was still happy with my improvement from the previous year. My success continued on to the other honor bands as well. I placed in the high chairs at all of the ensembles I tried out for. I participated in the honor clinics at Desoto County, Delta State University, Mississippi State University, University of Memphis, and even the University of Alabama. I had accomplished what I set out to do: I proved that I was a great saxophonist. I did not only prove this to the judges though. I proved it to myself.